Dear President Obama,
After only two months of working in an office, I have come to recognize a threat to our economy and wanted to alert you as soon as possible.
We are wasting millions of gallons of ink, toner and electricity by needlessly including the following phrase in our emails and printed correspondence:
Please let me know if you have any questions.
Sometimes this sentence appears in a slightly different form:
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Mister President, can you please enact legislation to annihilate this saying in all its variations from the English language?
Not only will this save the country billions of dollars in resources, it will also serve to remove one more source of annoyance as I go about my work day.
Your citizen,
Steve
ps. For the benefit of some of the more dimwitted members of Congress, you might point out that these words, though unspoken, are always implied. If ever there is an exception, then the following phrase could be used freely:
Don't ask me any questions about this.
or
No further questions at this time.
Thank you.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Why He Loves the Ministry
Actually, he very much dislikes the ministry.
This morning, when the radio began to play its random wake up song, he hit the snooze button. He would have loved to keep on sleeping.
When he was single, more often than not that's what he would do. He's lucky now, because he's married, and his wife is getting up for the ministry, so that helps him to rise as well.
When he lived at home, sharing a room with his brother, they'd often make plans the night before to work together. Which was invariably a guarantee that they'd both sleep in, waiting for the other to rouse them out of bed, which neither would do.
It became a joke. "Wanna work together in service tomorrow?" "Sure!" "Guaranteed sleep-in".
He doesn't like bothering people, knocking, uninvited at the doors of strangers.
A love for people, he does not have.
Of course he goes because he loves his God who asked him to do this. He really does love the people he preaches to, I suppose. He wouldn't want them to lose out on what's being offered.
There's pleasure, too, when people listen. Or when people express their own appreciation about God and the Bible. And when they're friendly and not rude.
Mostly, though, he'd rather not be there.
Today, however, he met Chief Easton.
Chief Easton made his day.
Now he realizes why he loves the ministry. Because, as it turns out, he really does love people.
Along with his partner, he approached the door. A bumper sticker on the back of the truck parked in the driveway looked familiar:
USS Liberty - ship torpedoed 1967 by Israeli forces
He remembered talking to this gentleman, who was a survivor of the Liberty tragedy. It had probably been a couple of years. Maybe three. So when the door opened, he used it on the woman who answered.
"He's right here," she said, and went off to get him.
There was the sound of voices and grumbling from inside.
Then he came. The retired Navy man.
Our brother mentioned that they'd spoken years ago, and that he remembered the bumper sticker.
Then he made his offer, the Awake! on "Who Can You Trust?"
The householder wasn't having any of it. Not interested in religion. His body language said "thanks but no thanks" and he began to turn away.
So the Witness abandoned the magazine and turned back to the bumper sticker.
"What happened again, on the Liberty?"
Long story condensed: The USS Liberty was not a battle ship, but basically a spy ship. The Israelis torpedoed it and many lives were lost. President Johnson, in 1967, seemed behind the cover up in the media. It was hushed up by the government.
The man seemed to enjoy describing this major, unforgettable event in his life. The brother definitely enjoyed listening because to him it was a fascinating story.
"What's your name?"
"Al" said the man, as he shook hands with Brother Hates People and his partner.
"What did they call you in the Navy?"
He laughed, and said "Most people called me Chief Easton".
And the conversation went on. Chief Easton volunteered that after the Navy he worked as a "saturation diver".
That's when divers compress and spend a week or more in deep water, living in a pressurized underwater capsule. He described being about 900 feet down and pressurized to 400 LBS per square inch.
"You could wave your hand in front of you and feel the air, thick just like water," he said.
It took him and his fellow divers a week to gradually decompress and resurface.
"It gave me new respect for those who are incarcerated in prison," Chief Easton said, "especially those who don't belong there."
The brother mentioned the miners in Chile who were just rescued, and Chief Easton agreed.
"They're all being pretty tight-lipped about what happened down there," Al said. "I suspect they all may be in it together to try and get a book deal or a movie deal."
"One of them was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, so I hope he might tell his story to the Awake! magazine," said the brother.
They once again shook hands and parted ways.
Yes, he hates getting up and going out, but meeting people like Chief Easton makes it all seem worthwhile.
This morning, when the radio began to play its random wake up song, he hit the snooze button. He would have loved to keep on sleeping.
When he was single, more often than not that's what he would do. He's lucky now, because he's married, and his wife is getting up for the ministry, so that helps him to rise as well.
When he lived at home, sharing a room with his brother, they'd often make plans the night before to work together. Which was invariably a guarantee that they'd both sleep in, waiting for the other to rouse them out of bed, which neither would do.
It became a joke. "Wanna work together in service tomorrow?" "Sure!" "Guaranteed sleep-in".
He doesn't like bothering people, knocking, uninvited at the doors of strangers.
A love for people, he does not have.
Of course he goes because he loves his God who asked him to do this. He really does love the people he preaches to, I suppose. He wouldn't want them to lose out on what's being offered.
There's pleasure, too, when people listen. Or when people express their own appreciation about God and the Bible. And when they're friendly and not rude.
Mostly, though, he'd rather not be there.
Today, however, he met Chief Easton.
Chief Easton made his day.
Now he realizes why he loves the ministry. Because, as it turns out, he really does love people.
Along with his partner, he approached the door. A bumper sticker on the back of the truck parked in the driveway looked familiar:
USS Liberty - ship torpedoed 1967 by Israeli forces
He remembered talking to this gentleman, who was a survivor of the Liberty tragedy. It had probably been a couple of years. Maybe three. So when the door opened, he used it on the woman who answered.
"He's right here," she said, and went off to get him.
There was the sound of voices and grumbling from inside.
Then he came. The retired Navy man.
Our brother mentioned that they'd spoken years ago, and that he remembered the bumper sticker.
Then he made his offer, the Awake! on "Who Can You Trust?"
The householder wasn't having any of it. Not interested in religion. His body language said "thanks but no thanks" and he began to turn away.
So the Witness abandoned the magazine and turned back to the bumper sticker.
"What happened again, on the Liberty?"
Long story condensed: The USS Liberty was not a battle ship, but basically a spy ship. The Israelis torpedoed it and many lives were lost. President Johnson, in 1967, seemed behind the cover up in the media. It was hushed up by the government.
The man seemed to enjoy describing this major, unforgettable event in his life. The brother definitely enjoyed listening because to him it was a fascinating story.
"What's your name?"
"Al" said the man, as he shook hands with Brother Hates People and his partner.
"What did they call you in the Navy?"
He laughed, and said "Most people called me Chief Easton".
And the conversation went on. Chief Easton volunteered that after the Navy he worked as a "saturation diver".
That's when divers compress and spend a week or more in deep water, living in a pressurized underwater capsule. He described being about 900 feet down and pressurized to 400 LBS per square inch.
"You could wave your hand in front of you and feel the air, thick just like water," he said.
It took him and his fellow divers a week to gradually decompress and resurface.
"It gave me new respect for those who are incarcerated in prison," Chief Easton said, "especially those who don't belong there."
The brother mentioned the miners in Chile who were just rescued, and Chief Easton agreed.
"They're all being pretty tight-lipped about what happened down there," Al said. "I suspect they all may be in it together to try and get a book deal or a movie deal."
"One of them was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, so I hope he might tell his story to the Awake! magazine," said the brother.
They once again shook hands and parted ways.
Yes, he hates getting up and going out, but meeting people like Chief Easton makes it all seem worthwhile.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Murphy's
This post is dedicated to Murphy's stout.
I don't often drink the vile watery sludge known as Guinness.
That is because there's a tasty alternative, now widely available.
~
Or perhaps instead I should say:
I don't often drink the poisonous effluent known as Guinness, but when I do, please roundhouse kick it out of my hand and offer me a Murphy's instead.
~
Really, though, to be positive, which is the goal of this blog, I should rather simply say:
Try a Murphy's... it will be delicious!
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